Monday, August 7, 2017 at 4:16 AM with 4 comment(s)
I was just having deep thought session about my late grandmother. I mean, I miss her. Too much and I can't put it into words. Feels like I'm homesick for a person that is no longer exist in this world. Tears are the only best way to speak up what my heart felt(al-Fatihah). Soon enough, I think of my mom. In this liken situation, she is the one who hurts most. Flashback to the time of my grandmother's funeral, I don't really have chance to witness my mom crying a river or mourning the loss while I can't stop from bawling my eyes out for days. I feel so lost and lonely, I have no more friend to count on to. I suffered from a great loss, and I can't get over it ,and to higlight the point that I will be sitting for SPM during that year, that what makes me lose balance even more. Thank God , this kind of grief didn't absorb me for a longer period and I heal myself better upon reading to my friend's message reminding me about death- the reality of Qada' and Qadr and I should never bleat about what has written in life.
From this time lapse, I discovered something exquisite about my mom. I treasured spirits inside her. All this while, mom was a persistent lady, with a bright and altruism characteristics. She knows what best for her children and her family and she will fight for it. Even when it seems to be impossible, she trusts God and work hard and take care for the possibility. She never tell us about how afraid and terrify herself felt and how she knows she's not perfect in raising us but still, she did the best. She teaches from wrong to right, will quickly fought off ennui of guiding us and sacrifices a lot. Why do I take this for granted? Mom(and dad) is everything that I need most, though I never said it often. And I still can't imagine what my life will be without them. I pray to Allah to bestow them a full and meaningful life and ease their burdens. I'm pretty sure my mom missed her mother so much and have lots of stories and problems to share with but there's only memory left as a keepsake to hold onto. She purged her feelings to her children instead, hoping that they will have quality time to understand her, discover and appreciate her presence.
Mom, of all the time, I know I've hurt you lot. I still remember how I insisted on going to proceed with Economic class while you want me to stay in Addmath class, (but I secretly wrote application letter to change class). I aware that you was upset about it, but I don't take it serious. How you feel so crazy when I don't behave well, when I failed to be at least a well-mannered girl, when I can't lead a good example to adik2, when I take easy and procrastinate in doing house chores, when I scored bad grades in exam. You were an emblematic of good mother and I am far from being your perfect child. I'm sorry I never told you how much I loved and adore you. I'm sorry I wasn't there during the time you really need me.
I thank you for tolerating my childlike ethics, for being the #1 supporter even when the storm coming its way, for ceaselessly praying for our progress and happiness, for keep making good and piquant dishes, for listening to my absurd dreams, for keep searching and purchasing the best medications for my skin disease (although the doctor once said that it is kind of life-time disease, but you still believe that it can be cured) for telling me to keep moving whenever I felt like quitting, for sending me positive vibes and good quotes when I have doubts, for taking a good care of my cats. "Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny? " -Ar-Rahman.
Mom, I never like blue, but I don't know how to tell you because you keep buying me blue things. Mom, I often refused to attend wedding ceremony or gathering event because I am lack of confidence about my self appearance and that I feel like everyone is looking at me. Mom, I hate maths because everytime I try to solve it, I went mad. (how can I understand it when I can't even able to understand myself). Mom, my heart is vulnerable and I can't simply take on with light jokes. Mom, I don't really know how to deal and cope with my stress level and that's why I act pitiful. Mom, I love arts, and you are part of it. You are such an indescribable art invention.
Mom, don't cry. I know you're strong. I'm sure nenek was happy for having you as her daughter.
Saturday, July 1, 2017 at 5:35 AM with 6 comment(s)
Peace be upon to you all my readers. Still feeling the raya vibe? How fast time flies, we're now entering Syawal 7th. Have you done completing your puasa 6? If not, hurry up or you will end up being so busy tackling down with your business and dealing with time, and for girls, just you know kehkehkeh. May Allah grant us colossal amount of strength and a capable time to do so.
It is only 3 months since I came to Egypt, but I am longing to my country like it has been years I am here. At first, I don't really feel jumpy and nervouse as I am doing pretty well, yeah I mean I have lots of friends here, all the seniors are so amicable, but as time approaching Ramadan, the oikotropic mood started to fluctuate. I even waggished my friends saying that I want to fly back to Malaysia for a while just to have suhoor and breakfasting with my family. Hahaha. I turned to get envious ((secretly)) to my siblings and my Malaysian friends, but thank God, I could endure this kind of dispirited for a moment. And then, Hari Raya come. How I felt so insipid. Everything seems to be novel, like strikingly new and unusual for me. I don't see my mom in front the stove with her rendang, my father with his lip lap lip lap light, my brothers and sisters fussing around like there's no tomorrow. I am but no feeling excited as before(this rascal is not doing shenanigans, she takes a break), but my mom told me, we still need to celebrate the Eid joyfully , it is the victory day to Muslims.
First Raya, we performed our Solat Sunat Raya at Musa Mosque. After that, we paved our way to Embassy of Kuala Lumpur Students' Hostel (old building) to celebrate our raya. There's tazkirah, sort of activities before we start to eat. We went home around 11 am. I feel so tired and peaky that the next day I just laying on my bed snoring and not doing nothing.
Arabian's tradition here, they utterly celebrate Ramadan most, and only celebrate first Syawal. That's such a distinction to be compared to what I used to go through in Malaysia. Cool, there's no way I'm going to grunt. There's still rumah terbuka held by Malaysians here, but I just don't attend. I'm not feeling well and having a sore headache and stomach ache(due to the hot weather and unhealthy diet) that qualify me to be well unorganized. Besides I don't really have a mood to go anywhere hmm. I could only sober enough after few days.
Anyway, still, celebrating Eid in oversea has its own aesthetic albeit of the diversity of the culture and the festival, but Malay remains Malay. Rumah terbuka is a must kehkehkeh. Of all the new surroundings here, it is likely to electrifying me as I'm a newbie here. I learnt a lot, and somehow I appear to be more matured. Note to self -: Please do not bawling eyes out for a longer period.
I provided you below some pictures of me celebrating my raya:
At Musa Mosque
Rumah terbuka Embassy of Kuala Lumpur Students' Hostel
During preparation of making kuih raya for bake off contest.
My free speech regarding rumah terbuka of my house.
How about next year? Flying back to Malaysia or not? Hmm.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017 at 5:47 AM with 1 comment(s)
Praises be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, in which we are still alive in this dunya, blissfully with iman and islam and that we are still given a chance to meet Ramadan Mubarak.
How's your fasting month been doing? Anyway, I bid you a warm Ramadan Kareem(it is still not too late) and may Allah forgive each of us thus pleased to accept our deeds.
Recently, we Malaysians have been flabbergasted by an uproar that taken place in one pandemonium defence university. The news spread like wildfire, pointing at bullying and ragging case. Sources said that the victim was brutally tortured (using belt, cloth hanger, pipe and iron steam) and ended up being murdered by 36 delinquents. This tragic action has opened up people eyes, either symphatizing the victim or anathematizing the murderer.
Fret not, I'm not going to act as a commentator upon this case. I don't mind to pour fuel to the burning flame, not even. In fact, I greatly feel the needed of sharing this one thing to all.
Why can this incident happen? Accurately, in Ramadan?
Notes: Shaitans were prisoned in Hell fully month straight, but lusts stay remained.
Let us re-check our heart. Are we truly ready to actually meet the fasting month? To devote the soul and be slave? How is our iman stake? Do we feel better and getting better each day? Do we feel enthusiasm to live in Ramadan?
"When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)"
Ramadan is designed for mankind to perform ibadah at it best. This month has its own perks, from the hindrance of eating and drinking all day long to Taraweeh prayer (following up with Witr prayer) to Lailatul Qadr (it only occurs in last 10 nights of Ramadan and those who are lucky enough will be able to meet it). We are ask to refrain ourselves from food and liquid(including chewing gum, smoking cigarettes and the like) from dawn to sunset and instead renew our focus on prayers and increase our recitation of the Holy Quran. It allows worshippers to concentrate their minds on devotion to their faith through prayers, expressing gratitude, seeking forgiveness and helping the needy. It is the chance for a spiritual boost, with lessons to be applied long after the month is out.
Again, fasting means abstaining from food, drink, smoking, sex, swearing, gossip or other sinful acts, during daylight hours.
Ask ourselves. Where are we now and what we are doing at this time? Devoting self to ibadah or else? Shaitans got locked up but how come crimes rising up? Or the reality is that people are trying to engage with the devil's work? Regarding the bully case, people should vividly be bold and come forward to the awareness and this is what I want to tell. We just entered the Holy month, so do we have to clean our souls and make it meritorious. But, after all the catastrophe that happened, it is totally embarrassed, if it were, been done by Muslims. This spiteful action will never be able to content one's vengeance. The innocent victim is found dead, and the delinquents will have to face the music.
To contemplating, ask ourselves, again.
Are we truly ready to meet Ramadan? The answers are all within our hearts.
A moment of silence to Zulfarhan Osman Zulkarnain. May his soul be placed among the noble ones. Al-Fatihah.