Milestone

         You are finally here, at 22. A steppingstone and a milestone at the same time for every single day that you make it through.

Disclaimer: this is going to be an emotional post about my progress. if any of you don't prefer reading this melodramatic kind of post, you can just scroll away, thanks.

        I personally, honestly really took quite some time and lot of efforts to finally trusting myself again to pen down my thoughts. I contemplated many times and was afraid to start. Fluctuating, that's the word. I was doubted and kept asking, these past three years, are they really worth the waiting, the struggles? To brood over the past, I started to feel something inside of me is rebelling and I could feel myself slipping away. I tried to be in-denial, and made it as a coping mechanism to adjust the bad situations, but I forgot one thing, the further I try to conceal the ugly truth, the more exhausted I am when the pains catch up to me. I pushed myself to be happy and motivated, but only lasted for several of months. Later on, I struggled with my mental health. I have been putting up a front for others simply because I don't want people to notice my changes. Every day feels like a drag. I've lost count of the amounts of nights I spent crying and waking up the next day with a heavy chest. I wonder, for a wishy-washy like me, why do I have to look miserable like this? What triggered me to tear apart? This is not right, and I don't want to be like this. Time stands still, wait for no man. I have yet to heal, but I am slowly accepting. I just hope that one fine day, I will be resilient and bold enough to overcome my doubts. Above all else too, I really anticipate myself  to be open with my emotions, comfortably.

      To be frank, I am thankful to have a wonderful bunch of friends (especially in Egypt) whom I can count on. Life is like a lemon, and them to me is a lemonade, with extra brown sugar. Albeit of my whimsical temperament, they still accept me for who I am. Their existence brought sparks and lights into my life which I can never get from other strangers >even with a discount. My four girls- I swear I'd love to shamelessly rant on about my day life, my enthusiastic batch, my course-mate, 31 housemates, 61 housemates, 62 housemates, my bubbly juniors, my witty and amicable seniors and to any whom it may concern, I purple you guys, may God bless you abundantly.

                                                       

November 2017, Port Said, Dumyat, Egypt.

October 2018, Trip to Makam, Muqattam

November 2018, lunch at Zack's Burger with 61 housemate.

January 2019, Winter break, Alexandria, Egypt.

March 2019, birthday celebration of 61 housemate.

June 2019, Raya celebration with 62 housemate.

January 2020, Jabal Sinai, Egypt.

February 2020, Bahariya, White Oasis, Egypt.

p/s: I still got so many memorable pictures but it's hard for me to choose. T^T

     Life update: I've worked so hard to reach at this point. I admit life is hard, but is funny too. So fragile and unpredictable. I'm currently in my third year of university.  With this Corona-virus thing, the system had turned out to be novel for me and others. The final exams were being substituted with the assignments( into which I chickened out real bad), alhamdulillah anyway, within my minimum skill of using words and PDF, I made them unscathed. I learnt how to sew my own baju kurung, blouse, seluar tido. Finally got my own laptop, driving license yada yada. If i write all the good things that happened, this entry will never be enough. No regrets with my small progress.

     This journey is far from easy, and it's amazing to be able to survive. It feels better to write. Until then, to many more rants.